A Rock And A Hard Place
by lilgreenmomo
Summary: Anomen/PC. You spend your time being patient, caring & understanding with your Knight because you love him, and then he runs out on you. How do you react? Inspired by game events, an Attic quiz prompt & a grumpy but loveable knight.


"_It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder_

_It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her_

_It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter"` - Jeff Buckley_

_~x~_

"Come, let us leave this place." Valauren said softly, offering her hand to Anomen, "There is a bitter air about it that causes my head to ache." she added, casting a contemptuous look over Saerk Farrahd as he slipped furtively away.

Anomen took the hand she offered. "My lady, I-" he stammered as he glanced around at the mangled bodies of the guards he had slain to reach Saerk, horrified to recognise at least two amongst their number whom he knew to be fellow Helmites. He felt physically sick at the sight and choked back the bile that rose in his throat. He recalled nothing of the killings and could only conclude that he had worked himself up into such a rage on his way to Saerk's estate he had entered something close to a berserk state.

"Now is not the time, Anomen." Valauren replied; her tone was still gentle but there was a suggestion of steel in her pale eyes. She squeezed his hand and nodded in the direction of the outer corridor where the others were waiting. Anomen compliantly fell in step with her. He felt his chest tighten with trepidation, fearful of his companions' reactions.

Jaheira opened her mouth to say something as they entered the hallway but Valauren cut her off with a shake of her head; instead the half-elf gave Anomen a reproachful glare before turning her back on him. Where Jaheira was concerned this was Getting Off Lightly.

Aerie backed away from Anomen, wide eyed and fearful, and Minsc placed a protective arm around her shoulders. "Boo knows it is hard to understand your actions when you have no memory of them." the ranger told him with a wan smile. It never ceased to amaze him just how insightful Minsc's hamster companion could be, yet Aerie's reaction wounded him none-the-less. Despite the Avariel's obvious insecurities she was always calm and confident in the face of Minsc's battle rages; their aftermath often left him weakened and heavily disorientated and only her soothing influence could bring him round fully. Then it occurred to Anomen that aside from the beserker rages, Minsc was a gentle giant; predictable, dependable and Aerie's sworn protector. He, on the other hand, had a short temper he often struggled to control and was known to fly off the handle for No Good Reason. _But surely she must know I would never harm any of them?_ he thought sadly.

The one small mercy Anomen could be thankful for was that Keldorn wasn't there, having left them earlier that day to spend some time reconciling with his wife Maria and their children. He wasn't sure he would be able to handle Keldorn's reaction, Valauren's was difficult enough. She had said and done All The Right Things; told him everything he needed to hear, and he wholeheartedly believed every word. But she was holding something back, he could tell she was angry with him yet she kept her feelings hidden behind a mask of civility and concern. He wished she would scream at him, slap him. Anything that could give validation to the feeling of wretchedness worming its way through his insides.

"It's getting late," Valauren said, "I suggest we head to an inn for the evening and then decide on a course of action in the morning. I am reluctant to leave the city without Keldorn but perhaps heading to Trademeet might be good for all of us?"

"Whatever you think best." Jaheira replied sullenly.

Anomen felt another wave of nausea wash over him. There was a decidedly frosty air between the two women and he was certain he was the cause. Jaheira hated being in the city; a fact she made no secret of, and she had been pushing Valauren for days about going out to Trademeet to assist Mazzy Fentan. He had never known them to argue about anything before - which was impressive when you considered that Jaheira possessed the ability to start a row in an empty room - and couldn't bear the thought that his actions were at the root of their disagreement.

"Well, _The Five Flagons_ is closest so we might as well head there, unless anyone has any objections?" Valauren asked. Minsc and Aerie shook their heads, Jaheira didn't respond. "_The Five Flagon_s it is, then." Valauren concluded.

_~x~_

By the time the five of them left Saerk's house the sun had already sunk below the skyline, and the usually bustling streets of Athkatla's Bridge District were practically deserted. Since the outbreak of the guild war only the brave or the foolhardy ventured out into the city's streets after dark, and no one in their right mind ventured out alone. Jaheira, still in no mood to speak to anyone, marched off ahead of them, Minsc and Aerie followed a short distance behind her. Valauren and Anomen walked in silence a little way behind the others. Anomen glanced to his side, trying to catch Valauren's eye, eager for a sign from her that everything would be all right, but her eyes were focused firmly front and centre and she appeared to be deep in thought.

A shout rang out in the dimly lit street, followed by the unmistakable flash of magical energy being released. Valauren craned her neck. "Jae!" she exclaimed, drawing her sword from its scabbard and stepping forward to break into a sprint.

Anomen reached out, grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back against his chest with a clash of metal upon metal. "Wait!" he said gruffly as he spun her around to face him.

"Bu-" she began to protest, then stopped when the realisation dawned that what she had been about to do could have been Very Bad Indeed. Another cry rang out and the paladin glanced urgently over her shoulder.

The priest thrust his hands out before him and moved them through the air in a ritualistic manner, intoning the words of a spell in a rich tenor. Valauren took a deep breath as fluid beams of icy blue light sprang forth from his hands and flowed over her like water, warming her to her core. Anomen then cast the same spell over himself. When it was complete he clasped Valauren's arms and looked down into her face. The look in her eyes was still unreadable but the cold steel he'd glimpsed before was gone. "Now, we may go to them." he said.

_~x~_

"What in the hells was she doing in that close?" Valauren shouted to Minsc, who was hauling both Jaheira _and_ Aerie away from the vampire that had attacked as it continued to advance. She rushed forward, positioning herself between the three of them and the vampire, which backed off a little; the turning wasn't powerful but it was enough to give Minsc some time. Jaheira looked to have taken the full force of the creature's life drain. Barely conscious and tucked into the crook of Minsc's arm; her eyes were glassy, her limbs hung limply like a marionette, and her skin had taken on a dull sheen like candle wax. Aerie, who wore an amulet that protected her from such attacks, was bleeding from a nasty looking stab wound to her stomach.

"Ja-Jaheira, was j-jumped. I-I'm the only one with the pr-protections." she answered weakly, pointing to the amulet "I d-didn't have time to c-cast."

"Are you mad? You could have been killed!" Valauren yelled crossly at her over her shoulder, all the while smiling broadly at Aerie's bravery and hoping the elf would have enough strength to heal herself, allowing both her and Anomen to deal with the small matter of the vampire.

"Minsc will look after the druid and his witch!" the warrior called, seemingly having read her thoughts.

Anomen took up a position beside Valauren, but not before pressing a vial of blue liquid into Aerie's hand as he passed her. The vampire bared its fangs and spat at Anomen as it backed further away.

"A healing potion? Where did you get that? I thought we were all out." Valauren whispered.

Anomen grimaced, "One of Saerk's guards." he admitted sheepishly.

Valauren merely nodded at him. "Right, let's get this done."

Readying their weapons they advanced on the vampire as one; the creature stepped out of reach.

"You'll keep, _Godchild._ There are greater fates waiting for you." it snarled at Valauren as she lunged forward.

"Perhaps." Valauren replied coolly, "but your fate won't. It lies at the point of my sword."

"Ha! Silly Girl! Do you really think that rusty old steak knife you're waving about will have any effect?" the vampire sneered.

With their assailant's full attention focused on Valauren, Anomen saw a chance and took it. He moved as quietly as his armour would allow, circling behind the vampire. He knew the vile fiend was right, Valauren's blade simply didn't hold the right enchantments to finish off an undead creature, but if she had enough faith, and was able to do enough damage, then he was sure he could deliver the final blow. He gripped his holy symbol between his hands and chanted the domination incantation.

The vampire had little time to react as the spell took effect. To Anomen, the sensation of the creature attempting to fight his control seemed like the convergence of currents at the confluence of a river; their thoughts swirled together in a maelstrom until only his own remained on the surface. It let out a ferocious growl, twisting its body upwards in a futile attempt to stop the priest forcing it down onto its knees before Valauren.

The paladin seized her opportunity, charging forward and plunging her sword deep into its chest. In an eerie side effect of the domination, the creature didn't even cry out as she ran it though. She yanked the blade free and struck again; over and over, raining blow after blow upon the abomination; praying for the foul darkness to be gone.

All of a sudden the vampire's essence broke the surface again, sending Anomen reeling and breaking the spell. The fiend rose to its feet, reaching forward to grab at Valauren with its free hand and then landing a lucky strike across her cheek with the tip of an arcing blade, narrowly missing her left eye. Valaren cried out in pain as the wound opened up and Anomen knew he could wait no longer. Feeling the holy power within him build to a crescendo he stepped forward... "In Helm's name!" he bellowed...

The world around them became filled with a light as bright as day and a cloying stench of burning flesh, and with a shriek that could turn blood to ice, the vampire was no more.

Valauren stumbled, clutching her sliced cheek, blood flowed freely between her fingers and down her arm. Anomen raced to her, his face full of concern. "My lady, let me heal you." he uttered, attempting to pull her hand away from her face.

"I can manage." she told him. To emphasise her point, an orange glow emanated from beneath the palm she held pressed to her cheek and the flow of blood first slowed to a trickle then stopped. "Go and see to Jaheira, please."

_~x~_

Minsc, Aerie and Jaheira were hidden between a stack of packing crates and the wall of a warehouse building, well out of harm's way. Jaheira had regained consciousness thanks to Aerie's ministrations but she was still weakened from the attack. The druid saw the two knights approaching and attempted to get to her feet, but her legs betrayed her and Minsc caught her as they gave way; she swore indelicately at the indignity of it and shook herself free of his grip. "Butts should be sore from kicking, not falling on, and then they should only be evil ones." Minsc said, grinning, and doing a sterling job of ignoring the druid's ungracious behaviour.

"It's gone?" Aerie asked nervously.

"It is." Valauren replied with a warm smile as she crossed to Aerie and hugged her tight, releasing her grip slightly when the Avariel "Ow-ed." Full plate armour was tough stuff.

"Don't ever do that to me again you crazy elf!" she mumbled into the top of the smaller woman's head. Where Jaheira was protective of Valauren, she herself felt equally protective of Aerie, and seeing her grow in confidence with every passing day was one of the things that made life worth fighting for.

Aerie looked up at her, her eyes even wider than usual. "S-sorry!"

"There's no need to apologise," Valauren laughed, "I just don't want to consider a world without you in it, you brave lunatic! And to think that I worried about you less when you were a bundle of nerves!"

"Minsc has already had stern words with his witch, she has promised Minsc and Boo both that she won't do it again." he reassured Valauren.

Valauren smiled at the ranger. "That's good to know, Mnsc." she replied, knowing full well it was a promise Aerie would never manage to keep; The elf cared too much to just stand back and do nothing if someone was in danger.

"Let me aid you, Jaheira." Anomen offered, gently taking the half-elf's arm. "A restorative spell should improve your condition." Jaheira gave the priest a dangerous look. Valauren held her breath, hoping that she would hold her tongue.

Jaheira shrugged dismissively. "Do what you must."

Anomen felt the shrug like the twist of a knife in his gut. He understood that Jaheira saw it as it her duty to look out for Valauren's welfare,that he had never been her favourite person and, short of divine intervention, they would never be close, but her distaste for him seemed more acute than usual. At that moment it would have suited him just fine to leave her as she was but he knew Valauren would never stand for it, so he swallowed down his pride and cast the spell which would return the druid to her usual self. With the sequence completed, Anomen collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily, consumed by an overwhelming desire to sleep. For all that the restoration spell gave the beneficiary, it drew heavily from the caster and he was experiencing its after effects keenly. Fortunately, he was too busy fighting to keep his eyes open to notice that Jaheira didn't even acknowledge him, instead she turned and addressed the others. "Well, are we going to this inn or are we just going to stand around here engaging in idle chit chat?"

Valauren did notice and gave Jaheira a hard stare before replying. "Go on, we will catch you up." she said in clipped tones and looking pointedly at Anomen, whose head had dropped forward so that his chin rested on his chest. "And by Tyr's Grace, stay out of trouble!"

The paladin stood for a long moment with her hands on her hips watching her friends go before returning to Anomen's side. The priest had slipped so far down the wall that propped him up he was almost sat on the floor. Valauren sighed and shook her head, then she bent down, grabbed his forearms and pulled him to his feet. "Let's find you somewhere more comfortable to rest, shall we?"

_~x~_

The two knights of the _Order of The Most Radiant Heart_ drew audible gasps of shock and more than a few scandalised looks from the patrons as they entered the common room of _The Five Flagons_. Anomen looked at his lady in confusion, and it was only when he looked down at himself he realised what a dreadful sight he must be, covered as he was in the blackened blood of the slain guards. His condition would barely have drawn a cursory glance in _The Coronet_.

"I need speak to Jaheira," Valauren told him. The half-elf was by the bar talking to Thunderburp, the innkeeper. "Go to the bath house and get yourself cleaned up, I will bring you some fresh clothes in a short while," she instructed.

Too exhausted to argue, Anomen did as he was bade. Trudging away from his lover he could feel her eyes on him and gave her a backward glance, finally managing to catch her off guard and immediately wishing he hadn't. The worry he saw in her face only magnified his wretchedness.

Jaheira thanked the innkeeper then turned away from the bar and placed a key into Valauren's hand. The paladin recognised the room number on the tag as the one where she and Anomen had first spent the night together; and most of the following day. A brief smile flickered upon her lips at the memories it stirred. "Aerie has expressed an interest in seeing the Sigil Troupe perform this evening, or more accurately, she wishes to see one particular member of the Sigil Troupe perform." The druid said airily, rolling her eyes. "I am going to wash and change for eveningfeast, you should do likewise." she added, regarding Valauren appraisingly with sharp blue eyes. "Now, I'll take your pack; you can carry the priest's things up to your room." In Valauren's experience, all this roughly translated as: _I realise that I might have been in the wrong, but I am not ready to apologise and haven't yet decided if I will at all, so you'd do well grab the olive branch whilst the fruit weighs heavy on it. _She shouldered Anomen's things and followed Jaheira up the stairs.

_~x~_

After making sure there was no-one else around, Valauren entered the bath house to discover her knight slumbering in one of the large copper bathtubs, his head back and his arms draped over the sides. She felt goosebumps beneath her fingers when she softly placed a hand on his shoulder. "Anomen...Ano?" she whispered.

He woke with a start, splashing tepid water over the sides of the tub. "Water...was warm. Couldn't...keep my eyes open." he mumbled groggily.

"I've brought you some clean clothes. I'll leave them on the chair for you."

"Could you hand me that towel, please?" he asked, turning his face away from her and pointing to the rough looking towel slung over the chair. Even though Valauren knew every inch of him, intimately, he found himself feeling incredibly vulnerable under her gaze; unable to shake the notion she was the executioner to his condemned man.

Valauren handed him the towel, averting her own eyes as she did so; not out of embarrassment, but in the knowledge that if she looked upon him much longer in his current state her resolve would crumble and all the things that needed to be said would remain unspoken. _Damn him for being my one weakness. And damn Jaheira for being right about it._ "I'll take the rest of your things up to the room, join me in the common room when you are ready."

"My armour, it...requires some attention." Anomen said with more than a degree of understatement. He pushed himself to his feet and covered his modesty with the towel she had given him.

"It will wait." Valauren replied, attempting to gather both his dirty clothes and his platemail into her arms without transferring the filth that covered them to her tunic. However, given that Anomen's armour was sized to fit someone a full head taller and almost twice as broad as her, the attempt was doomed to failure from the start and the whole lot fell to the floor with a loud crash. "Hells!" she cursed, bending to retrieve the spilled armour.

Anomen stepped from the tub, "My lady, let me deal with it. Leave me the room key and I will join you presently."

"Very well," she said to his feet. "I have taken the liberty of ordering us some food, so please be as quick as you can." The paladin neglected to tell him that it was the cook's night off, so their supper would be cold.

_~x~_

Sir Anomen approached the secluded booth, then hesitated when he heard Valauren and Jaheira exchanging heated words in low tones...

"I will, Jae." he heard his lover tell the half-elf, "but I will do it my way. And whilst we're on the subject of your way and your way… Once this is over and done with you will apologise for being so rude. You know how much effort it takes to cast a spell like that yet you didn't even acknowledge him."

"That is because I would rather have crawled on my hands and knees to a temple for aid than have him help me, but I knew it was what you would have wanted."

"Jaheira!" Valauren snapped, "That is completely uncalled for. I think perhaps that spell didn't work properly, what has happened to your sense of decency? Listen to what you are saying, what has got into you?"

"I am sorry. Perhaps you are right, but his hot-headedness could well have caused us a great deal of trouble."

Valauren chuckled. "Forgive me, but I think I might have dozed off for a moment there, I could have sworn I heard you say you were sorry!"

"Aye, you did... I did, but if you tell the others I'll introduce you to the blunt end of my quarterstaff! Both of them!" the half-elf snapped. She sighed and continued. "I am sure you know what is best, my friend. I sometimes forget, you are not the same naive girl Khalid and I met all those months ago."

"We none of us are, Jae." Valauren replied.

The two women were quiet for a moment and Anomen suddenly felt guilty for evesdropping. When he approached the table he could have sworn he saw Jaheira wipe a tear from her eye.

The druid cleared her throat and stood up. "I shall go and check on Minsc, and Aerie; I can't say I trust that Tiefling a great deal."

Valauren said nothing, but gave her a knowing smile. "Thank you, Jaheira."

The druid acknowledged Anomen with a sharp nod as she headed towards the theatre.

_~x~_

"Thoughtless Bastard."

Anomen looked up in shock from the food he was pushing around his plate. Valauren had said the words, he was sure he hadn't imagined it, but she had spoken them as though she was simply commenting on the weather. He heard no anger in them; no crack of a sob; no mirthless laugh. "My lady, I- I beg your pardon?"

Holding his gaze, Valauren took a sip from her wine glass. "I would have said selfish, but your actions were not calculating enough to be selfish. Misguided and downright ill considered, yes, but not selfish; and after everything you have suffered I cannot bring myself to be angry with you anymore." There it was, the fall of the axe hanging over him, but rather than delivering the killer blow it smashed into the block, showering him with splinters. It was a reprieve, but not one that made him feel any better.

"I wish I could be angry with you. I wish could scream bloody murder at you and pound your chest until my fists turn red raw, but it is difficult when I can understand and sympathise with your motives. Damn it, Anomen. Please, just tell me one thing; when you walked away earlier today, what did you imagine would happen? What did you think I would do?" she asked, with a deal more annoyance than would be expected from someone who Was Not Angry.

"I thought that you would simply let me go."

"You honestly believe that?" She sounded genuinely bewildered by his statement.

"At the time, I allowed myself to believe it, aye." he admitted.

"You honestly believed that after everything...everything we have shared together, I could just let you walk away?"

Anomen heard a crack in her voice. He squirmed in his seat and pushed aside his plate of food. Put like that his behaviour sounded positively caddish; as though he had taken all he wanted from her and cast her aside like some cheap whore. "Allowing myself to believe it made it easier. Now, now I- I realise I was fooling myself..." he replied quietly, his deep blue eyes downcast.

Valauren propped an elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand. "I won't deny it, to protect the interests of our group the most sensible thing _would_ have been to let you go.

Consider it from my point of view. What if I had arrived too late at the Farrahd estate; and had entered to find you stood over Saerk's body? As a knight of _The Order_, and your...your lover... what would have me do?" The paladin tucked a stray tendril of golden hair behind her ear and gave him a look which indicated the question was not rhetorical.

"Val...my love, I- Truly, I do not know."

"Can you understand the choice I would have been forced to make?

I follow my heart and aid you in an escape rather than doing what I am duty bound to, I forfeit my place within _The Order _and the support and protection it offers; and make enemies of them in the process. By association, any who travel with me also become their enemies. I am sure you can accept, there are enough who wish to see me dead without adding to their number. And If I do what my head tells me is right..."

"You have no alternative but to turn me over to _The Order._" Anomen finished her thought. He leaned back in the seat and ran a hand through his still damp hair. _What choice would I make, were the roles reversed?_

Diamonds of unshed tears sparkled in the corners of Valauren's eyes. "It would have meant sending you to certain death."

"And I would have accused you of a great betrayal and cursed your soul to the Hells for it." Anomen replied, his expression filled with regret.

"Or, I might have been entirely too late and you would have already left the scene. It made no odds how the scenarios played out in my mind; each time the outcome was the same. I lost you!" She swallowed hard and continued. "In the end, I decided that if there was some way I could stop you becoming one more in a long line of victims of your father's bitter rivalries then I ought to try. And for my own selfish reasons, I just couldn't let you go..." The tears won their struggle to escape then and slipped unchecked down the paladin's cheeks.

As Anomen brushed the tears away, Valauren turned her face into his palm and he tilted her chin so that he could look into her eyes. The hurt he had caused her was all too evident in them. He slipped his hand from her chin, over the curve of her shoulder and down her arm, finally taking her hand in his.

"You are right, my love." he said in a subdued tone, stroking his thumb over the back of her hand; over silvery scars which ran along the raised contour of each fine bone; the sickening handiwork of Jon Irenicus. "I have been naught but a thoughtless bastard. Once again I have been foolish and weak, and have allowed my anger to cloud my judgement. I gave no consideration to how my leaving would affect you; all of you, and can only thank my Lord Helm that he saw fit to send you to me to prevent me making such a grave mistake, tell me you can forgive me."

Valauren blinked away her tears and caressed his cheek, running her own fingers over the line of a prominent scar which began above his eye. When she had first asked him about the scar, he had told her some fanciful story involving a band of vicious thieves he took on single handed. Eventually, he admitted that the scar was a lasting reminder of his father's brutality. It transpired that during a drunken rage, Lord Cor had hurled a crystal tumbler at his son. With his aim impaired by drink, the tumbler missed the young Anomen and hit the fireplace instead, shattering and sending pieces flying into his face. It almost broke her heart when he confessed that he had fabricated the story because he was so ashamed of the truth. "I already have." she whispered.

Anomen pulled his lover tight against his chest and kissed her as though it was the first and last time he ever would. Pouring every ounce of the emotion he felt into it, hoping it might pass into her and she would understand. "Thank you." he told her thickly when they finally parted. There was so much he wanted to say, but it was the only coherent thought he could form.

The smile had returned to Valauren's eyes at last, but there was still a certain seriousness about her. "It may yet be too soon for thanks." she told him, slipping her arms around his neck. "Jaheira believes that your actions have exposed us all to a great deal of risk. I must tell you that I agree with her. In fact, if the decision whether to come after you or not had been left to her, then we would not have followed. And for my part, now I think on it, I fear that my decision to intervene could still prove for naught."

"Val, my love, to be given the opportunity to regain what I would surely have lost should be proof enough for you that your intervention was not, _for naught_." he told her, placing a kiss on the bridge of her nose and tucking another errant strand of tousled hair behind her ear. "As such, I am thankful the decision to come after me was not Jaheira's to make."

"It was, I gave each of them the option to walk away. I would not have been offended if any of them had wanted no part in this. My decision to come after you was, after all, made for very personal reasons, and was not one I made lightly. It is testament to how much they care for your welfare that they chose to stay."

"My lady, I believe you give me too much credit. I suspect it is more about how much they care for and respect you. I am sure the lady Jaheira would have been glad to see the back of me."

Valauren shook her head. "I will ask the same of you as I have have of her. Please do not judge Jaheira's behaviour too harshly. I realise she can be somewhat... spiky, but she does have all our best interests at heart."

"Hmmm, spiky is one word you could use, I've had two day old stubble less prickly."

Valauren laughed inspite of herself. Anomen's knack with a throwaway line was a surprising facet of his personality he kept far too well hidden most of the time. The paladin flattered herself it was because he felt secure in her company that he allowed her to see this side of him, and wondered if life might have been a little easier for him if he had learned to use his humour, rather than his temper, as a defence mechanism. "You are aware of how much guilt and embarrassment she felt at being deceived by her Harper brethren, and at how I was treated by them."

Anomen nodded. "Aye. I must confess I was shocked by that whole episode. I know relatively little of their organisation, but I would never have expected a Harper to treat you in such a way; they had you tried, convicted and sentenced in absentia. Nor would I have expected them to disregard the word of one their own as to your character. And you member of _The Order _too. That fact_ alone _should have stood for something.

It shames me to admit it now, but when you were invited to join _The Order_ was unduly jealous of you. At the time it seemed so unfair. I had fought so hard to be accepted, yet your path to acceptance looked to be so easy. Now I know it was anything but; and the incident with Galvarey and his... _friends_ only served to reinforce to me how important it must be for you to have the support of a group who stand for noble and righteous causes, when there are those who would doubt your nature."

Valauren smiled sweetly at him and took another sip from the wine glass at her right hand, before returning her arm to its place about his neck. "When Prelate Wessalen made me the offer, I fully expected you to have something to say on the matter."

Anomen dropped his eyes and turned his attentions to toying nervously with the ribbon that hung from Valauren's blouse. "There was much I wanted to say, most of it harsh and unwarranted. However, I was reminded of how my father's behaviour marred my own squiring ceremony. The memory was enough to convince me to keep such thoughts to myself." The knight's confession turned his cheeks a florid pink.

"You can see then why Jaheira is... was, so furious with you. She is struggling to come to terms with her conflicted loyalties and is deeply concerned the Harpers will seek retribution for what happened. When you ran off, all she saw was that you had learned nothing from the incident and instead seemed set to place me in the same position with _The Order_. And you know full well Jaheira doesn't suffer fools..."

"I will clear the air with her." he reassured her.

"Good. I would appreciate it; we have enough to deal with without in-fighting. This...situation with Farrahd may not be over. Whilst you didn't harm Saerk, you did kill several of his guards. He is a rich and powerful man, and as you told me yourself, Athkatlan justice, if you can call it such, tends to favour the rich and powerful; it is possible he could retaliate by bringing a counter claim against you for their deaths. Reprisals from their families notwithstanding, that is. Ano, can you look me in the eye and tell me your entry to Saerk's estate wasn't forced?"

"I am sorry, I cannot. My memories of the events are foggy, but in all good conscience I cannot tell you I was freely invited into his home. I realise it is scant defence, but is it not possible that those men were directly responsible for the deaths of Lord Cor, and my sister?"

"It is possible, yes. Equally, however, those guards might just have been doing the job they were paid for. I am sure when they took their positions within Saerk's household they accepted that death in his service was a possibility, though I doubt they would have expected it to come, without obvious provocation, at the hands of an _Order Knight._ So unless their names are included in this new evidence the Magistrate mentioned, or Saerk decides to reveal the identities of those he instructed to do his dirty work, we will never know for sure."

He buried his face in his hands. "Damn my temper and damn my stupidity. All this mess, all this blood on my hands, and for what? To avenge the death of a man who loathed me so much he refused to even acknowledge our bond as father and son unless it served his own ends. The Magistrate warned me, more than once, about taking matters into my own hands. You all did."

Valauren pulled his hands away from his face. He was completely crestfallen, tears twinkled like stars in his midnight blue eyes. "It was my wish to find justice for Moira, my beautiful innocent sister, but I have failed her, and have succeeded only in condemning myself."

"Anomen, love, listen to me. I meant every word I said to you. I am here for you and we will deal with whatever may come, together. I apologise for worrying you with all this speculation. We none of us can know what will happen until it happens. Unless, that is, you have some seeing abilities you neglected to mention?" the paladin asked, the twitch of a smile forming at the corner of her mouth in a vain attempt to make light of the situation. "Let us turn our attentions to matters we can have some control over." she continued. "I had hoped we would not need to involve them, but we will have to inform _The Order_ of the events of this evening, if only to ensure the information does not reach their ears by other means. I would not put it past Saerk to organise a whispering campaign. Now, I could speak to Sir Ryan on your behalf but I believe that Sir Keldorn would be better placed to make the representation. I am reluctant to interrupt his time with his family, but this will not wait. I shall send word to him first thing tomorrow morning..."

"No." Anomen said firmly.

"Ano, we must..."

"No. My lady, please. I appreciate all that you have done for me, but you must let me handle this now. I will make my own representations, both with _The Order_ and to my Lord Helm, and will accept whatever fates await me. Ideally I should make them immediately, but if I have learned anything from this it is that I should take some time for reflection first."

"If... if you are sure?"

"I must accept the consequences of my actions."

Valauren gave him a fearful look. She knew exactly the sort of consequences he faced if _The Order_ deemed him to have broken its tenets. Conversely, she had no idea how Helm might judge him, but the fact her priest felt he had and obligation to make a representation before his god suggested to her that his actions might not be viewed favourably by _The Watcher_.

"I am so sorry, Ano." she said, close to tears once more.

Anomen wrapped his arms about her slender waist, then lent in and kissed her, savouring the taste of wine and salt on her lips. "If you are thinking that in coming after me you have only made things worse. I promise you it is not the case. Leaving me to fend for myself might seem now to have been better alternative, but it would not have spared either of us any pain. You did the right thing, and The Right Thing isn't always The Easy Thing. As I have already said, what you have given me is an opportunity for redemption I would not otherwise have had. My fate lies in the hands of others this night, but whilst it hangs in the balance I still have hope. And in the meantime," he said, lifting her hand and gently caressing it with his lips, "I at least have a chance to make amends with you for the hurt I have caused, if you will allow me?"

"My love, I thought you would never ask."


End file.
